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[title] => ‘Bija sam čist osamnaest godina. Triba san operirat kičmu, u ljekarni nije bilo ništa za bolove. Trefija san ga....‘
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Svaka je priča iz spektra bolesti ovisnosti drama za sebe, no neuobičajeno je naići na recidivista koji je bio "čist" skoro dvadeset godina. Na žalost, iskušenje se (pod vrlo nepovoljnim okolnostima) može dogoditi čak i nakon tako dugog vremenskog razdoblja urednog života, baš kao što se može vratiti i karcinom, ili neka druga bolest.
Na sreću, ovdje je izlječenje izvjesnije. Koliko si slab, toliko si i jak. Znaš to te čeka, želiš i možeš pobijediti nevolju. To dobro zna i Hrvoje Pijaca, protagonist ove priče, 44-godišnjak iz Nina. Recidivist na putu ka ozdravljenju, za što je snažno motiviran, jedan od rijetkih privremenih stanara zajednice "Susret" u Cisti Velikoj bez egzistencijalnih briga, sa jakim obiteljskim uporištem koje ga razumije i pruža mu podršku. Ljudi smo, padnemo stoput i dignemo se. Hrvoje ima zbog čega sebi oprostiti za ovaj kratkotrajni pad, samo nastavite čitati i razumjet ćete ga i vi.
- Da se sad vraćam na onu mladalačku fazu drogiranja; ima li to smisla uopće? Bija sam čist osamnaest godina. Od svoje 26., a sad mi je 44. I opet sam na početku, ali sad će to bit za ostatak života – decidirano će Pijaca, oženjen i otac dvoje (po)odrasle djece. Obitelj za poželjeti!
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K tomu je zaposlen u komunalnom poduzeću, ali u budućnosti bi se mogao posvema posvetiti privatnom poduzetništvu, naime vlasnik je tri apartmana s bazenom i tri suvenirnice u Ninu. Dobro situiran, na dobru putu. Podrška obitelji tu je ključna, napominje.
- Žena mi je – ne normalna – nego predivna. Uz mene je prošla i ono najgore prije skoro dva desetljeća, trpila me svo ovo vrime. I sam ne znam čime sam to zaslužija – iskreno će Hrvoje, za kojega smo najprije pomislili da je – zaposlenik, ili neki volonter.
- To svi pomisle kad me vide – smije se on.
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Doista, na njemu nitko ne bi rekao da je imao bilo kakve veze s drogom, atroke heroinom. A imao je kao vrlo mlad dečko, klinac u vrijeme Domovinskog rata. Kad je započeo svoj narkomanski staž rat je plamtio, droge je bilo "na lopate". A on dijete pomorca koji je uvijek navigavao, klinac kojemu je nedostajala ta očinska figura. To je onomad osjećao, sada to zna.
U drugom razredu srednje škole uzeo je prvi heroinski "šmrk" – i "riješeni su svi problemi svita". A nakon nekoliko mjeseci zabave, nastupa "ljuta potriba", igla. Pa pokušaji samozavaravanja. Ujutro heptanon, popodne heroin. Pa krađe, sitne provale, žicanje, snalaženje. Klasika.
Na sreću, spasio se na vrijeme, čak nije ni policijski niti pravosudno nikad gonjen. Uspio se skinuti s opijata, oženiti, dobiti djecu, zaposliti, uhodati privatni biznis. Većinu života proveo je kao zdrav čovjek.
- Jesan, dobija sam C (hepatitis, nap.a.), ali i tu sam ima sriće; u fazi je povlačenja, samo je pitanje dana kad će virus napustit moje tijelo. Moga bi reć: više sriće nego pameti u puno stvari. A onda, ovaj pad – skrušeno se prisjeća stanja koje je trajalo, i opet srećom u nesreći, svega nekoliko mjeseci. Prepoznao je problem, žena ga je isto "skužila", već je to s njim, jednom davno, prošla.
---
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Što se, u stvari dogodilo? Što je kumovalo padu?
- Zabolila su me leđa, jaki bolovi u kralježnici, potrebna je bila operacija. Okej, događa se, tijelo stari, troši se. Operirat ćemo, ali za nevolju, dogodi se korona. Pandemija kovid virusa, sve operacije koje nisu za spas života su otkazane, odgođene na neodređeno. Do daljnjega. Pa tako i moja. A kičma boli neizdržljivo, propisuju mi teške lijekove protiv bolova, iz spektra opioidnih analgetika, tramali i to. Postaje vam jasnije, ha?
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---
Je, probudija mi se onaj davno uspavani, ovisnički mozak. Počeja san opet žudit za drogom, to san svatija i opira se. A onda se dogodilo nešto nepovoljno, okidač.
Doša san u Zadar u ljekarnu po sredstvo protiv bolova, i nisu ga imali. Sija san na kavu i trefija dilera otprije dvadeset godina. Sve je bilo ka da nikad nije ni prestalo, samo san mu kimija glavom i pita: "Imaš li?", a on je jednostavno reka: "Imam". Prošetali smo, kupija san gram. Četristo kuna.
---
---
Ispočetka ti ne triba ni gram, moš se puknit sa sto kuna "na nos". Tako san i ja rastega taj gram na par puta. A onda, prag tolerancije raste nevjerojatno brzo. Već za koji tjedan ti triba četri-pet grama, iljadu ipo kuna dnevno. U zadnjoj fazi koja je trajala nekoliko miseci nisam ni jednom uzeja na iglu, reagira san brže. I evo me ovde, ostajen koliko triba.
Imam previše toga šta ne smin izgubit, želim sačuvat familiju, sina od dvadeset i kćer od sedamnaest godina, najbolju ženu na svitu, obitelj. Ne mogu krivit koronu za ovo šta se dogodilo, ali stvarno se poklopilo nekoliko nevjerojatno nepovoljnih faktora u krivo vrime.
Ne ponovilo se!
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Svaka je priča iz spektra bolesti ovisnosti drama za sebe, no neuobičajeno je naići na recidivista koji je bio "čist" skoro dvadeset godina. Na žalost, iskušenje se (pod vrlo nepovoljnim okolnostima) može dogoditi čak i nakon tako dugog vremenskog razdoblja urednog života, baš kao što se može vratiti i karcinom, ili neka druga bolest.
Na sreću, ovdje je izlječenje izvjesnije. Koliko si slab, toliko si i jak. Znaš to te čeka, želiš i možeš pobijediti nevolju. To dobro zna i Hrvoje Pijaca, protagonist ove priče, 44-godišnjak iz Nina. Recidivist na putu ka ozdravljenju, za što je snažno motiviran, jedan od rijetkih privremenih stanara zajednice "Susret" u Cisti Velikoj bez egzistencijalnih briga, sa jakim obiteljskim uporištem koje ga razumije i pruža mu podršku. Ljudi smo, padnemo stoput i dignemo se. Hrvoje ima zbog čega sebi oprostiti za ovaj kratkotrajni pad, samo nastavite čitati i razumjet ćete ga i vi.
- Da se sad vraćam na onu mladalačku fazu drogiranja; ima li to smisla uopće? Bija sam čist osamnaest godina. Od svoje 26., a sad mi je 44. I opet sam na početku, ali sad će to bit za ostatak života – decidirano će Pijaca, oženjen i otac dvoje (po)odrasle djece. Obitelj za poželjeti!
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K tomu je zaposlen u komunalnom poduzeću, ali u budućnosti bi se mogao posvema posvetiti privatnom poduzetništvu, naime vlasnik je tri apartmana s bazenom i tri suvenirnice u Ninu. Dobro situiran, na dobru putu. Podrška obitelji tu je ključna, napominje.
- Žena mi je – ne normalna – nego predivna. Uz mene je prošla i ono najgore prije skoro dva desetljeća, trpila me svo ovo vrime. I sam ne znam čime sam to zaslužija – iskreno će Hrvoje, za kojega smo najprije pomislili da je – zaposlenik, ili neki volonter.
- To svi pomisle kad me vide – smije se on.
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Doista, na njemu nitko ne bi rekao da je imao bilo kakve veze s drogom, atroke heroinom. A imao je kao vrlo mlad dečko, klinac u vrijeme Domovinskog rata. Kad je započeo svoj narkomanski staž rat je plamtio, droge je bilo "na lopate". A on dijete pomorca koji je uvijek navigavao, klinac kojemu je nedostajala ta očinska figura. To je onomad osjećao, sada to zna.
U drugom razredu srednje škole uzeo je prvi heroinski "šmrk" – i "riješeni su svi problemi svita". A nakon nekoliko mjeseci zabave, nastupa "ljuta potriba", igla. Pa pokušaji samozavaravanja. Ujutro heptanon, popodne heroin. Pa krađe, sitne provale, žicanje, snalaženje. Klasika.
Na sreću, spasio se na vrijeme, čak nije ni policijski niti pravosudno nikad gonjen. Uspio se skinuti s opijata, oženiti, dobiti djecu, zaposliti, uhodati privatni biznis. Većinu života proveo je kao zdrav čovjek.
- Jesan, dobija sam C (hepatitis, nap.a.), ali i tu sam ima sriće; u fazi je povlačenja, samo je pitanje dana kad će virus napustit moje tijelo. Moga bi reć: više sriće nego pameti u puno stvari. A onda, ovaj pad – skrušeno se prisjeća stanja koje je trajalo, i opet srećom u nesreći, svega nekoliko mjeseci. Prepoznao je problem, žena ga je isto "skužila", već je to s njim, jednom davno, prošla.
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Što se, u stvari dogodilo? Što je kumovalo padu?
- Zabolila su me leđa, jaki bolovi u kralježnici, potrebna je bila operacija. Okej, događa se, tijelo stari, troši se. Operirat ćemo, ali za nevolju, dogodi se korona. Pandemija kovid virusa, sve operacije koje nisu za spas života su otkazane, odgođene na neodređeno. Do daljnjega. Pa tako i moja. A kičma boli neizdržljivo, propisuju mi teške lijekove protiv bolova, iz spektra opioidnih analgetika, tramali i to. Postaje vam jasnije, ha?
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Je, probudija mi se onaj davno uspavani, ovisnički mozak. Počeja san opet žudit za drogom, to san svatija i opira se. A onda se dogodilo nešto nepovoljno, okidač.
Doša san u Zadar u ljekarnu po sredstvo protiv bolova, i nisu ga imali. Sija san na kavu i trefija dilera otprije dvadeset godina. Sve je bilo ka da nikad nije ni prestalo, samo san mu kimija glavom i pita: "Imaš li?", a on je jednostavno reka: "Imam". Prošetali smo, kupija san gram. Četristo kuna.
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Ispočetka ti ne triba ni gram, moš se puknit sa sto kuna "na nos". Tako san i ja rastega taj gram na par puta. A onda, prag tolerancije raste nevjerojatno brzo. Već za koji tjedan ti triba četri-pet grama, iljadu ipo kuna dnevno. U zadnjoj fazi koja je trajala nekoliko miseci nisam ni jednom uzeja na iglu, reagira san brže. I evo me ovde, ostajen koliko triba.
Imam previše toga šta ne smin izgubit, želim sačuvat familiju, sina od dvadeset i kćer od sedamnaest godina, najbolju ženu na svitu, obitelj. Ne mogu krivit koronu za ovo šta se dogodilo, ali stvarno se poklopilo nekoliko nevjerojatno nepovoljnih faktora u krivo vrime.
Ne ponovilo se!
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Duje Klarić/Cropix
Terapijski centar Zajednice Susret u Cisti Velikoj.
Korisnik Hrvoje Pijaca
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12. svibanj 2024 15:57
