OSMRTNICE
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Ne znam sjećaju li se još neki onih slikovnica o Maji koja putuje svim prijevoznim sredstvima. Pa ste tako imali Maja u vlaku, Maja u tramvaju, Maja u brodu... Ona nikad nije gnjavila roditelje (Hoću do prozora i gotovo!), uvijek je bila pristojna (Stari, izlazi više iz tog zahoda! Iruda ti, šereš ima uru robe!), a često je znala i pomagat starijima (Baba, crta, ja sam prije došla!). A kako ova Maja doživljava putovanje avionom?

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image

Upute stjuardese su zastrašujuće

/Shutterstock
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Muke svete Margarite, čovječe. Pomolim se, svojima objasnim đe im je što da nađu kad me više ne bude (a u kutiji ti je zdravstvena, slušaj me, šeronjo, da me ne proklinješ na drugom svijetu!), hodam po svijetu ko riba sa stalno otvorenim ustima zbog tlaka u ušima, a neki mi pokušavaju čitat s usana ko Mujo u akvariju, ali ja namjestim ledeni izraz face zvani ‘nije mi ništa’. Kad avion stane rulat po pisti, sve maske padaju.

Jer u glavi već vidim kako i mi padamo. Ma, ne bojim se ja smrti, nego patnje. Čovječe, zamisli da ostanem živa, ali bez mozga pa živim ko biljka nekome na teretu. Pa se ne možeš ni popišat, a da ti neko ne da ruke. S tim da ga meni ne treba držat. Ma, nisam se ja uvijek bojala leta avionom, to valjda dođe s godinama i količinom viđenih scena avionskih katastrofa po televiziji. Čovječe, ne prođe ni tjedan, a da ne pokažu kako se neki avion raspiždio neđe u nekoj pustinji, sinjem moru ili na nekoj planini. I uvijek je to neđe nešto nedostupno, neprohodno, đe ih ne može Bog nać. Ni njih ni njihove dijelove.

A pri tom ne mislim na avion. Kad se malo vinemo nebu pod oblake, malo mi je kao lakše. Povirim krajičkom oka oko sebe – svi kao nešto vedro brbljaju, neki čitaju i kopaju nos, jedan skinuo cipele ko da smo u vlaku za Bugojno, jedan zaspo i hropi ko kanadski drvosječa – općenito, opuštajuća atmosfera. Dok stjuardesa ne počne objašnjavat što treba radit u slučaju katastrofe. Te pojas, te konopčić, te maska. Ko da bi nas to spasilo! Čovječe, pa samo mene trebala bi barem trojica spašavat od panike, a u slučaju stvarnog šranja, mislim da bi mi guzice zaglavile u onim uskim vratima.

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image

Sve je lijepo dok ne uzletiš...

Damir Krajac/Cropix
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Napetost raste kad kapetan provali da smo na visini od preko osam tisuća nečega i da vozimo brzinom od preko osamsto kilometara na sat. Isuse, mislim se ja, dok mi afan udara u glavu, da sad padnemo, razbili bi se ko fičke. Dobro, malo se i nasmijem ako kapetan ima neko smiješno prezime, tipa Raspikuća. Bogati, ako je raspiždio kuću, što bi tek napravio od aviona? Valjda zato što mi čitaju misli, na onom malom videu krene poruka ‘relax’. Kao, opustite se, ako bude šranja, tu smo vam mi. Da, da, a zadnji put, kad je avionska nesreća spriječena u zadnji momenat, kažu da su najveću paniku pravile stjuardese.

Da, ove iscrtane ko klaunovi s ledenim profesionalnim osmijehom. Između svoga sređenog nokta i histerične mene, pogodi koga bi prije spasile! Onda krene posluživanje vode. Čuj, vode. Sestro, imam vode i doma i nije mi napeto pit vodu. Ja bi kafu, čaj, sok. Đe se to izgubilo? Ili to dobivaju ovi u ‘haj’ klasi, a mi smo sirotinja i budi sretan što letiš. Mogli smo te smjestit vanka, na krilo pa ti driblaj nogama ko Kremenko. Kad sletimo, u mislima poljubim zemlju i zakunem se da više nikad neću u avion. Dok mi opet vrag ne da mira. Ma, nema frke. Tješi me, i pad je let.

Maja

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Jedino se nasmijem ako pilot ima neko smiješno prezime, recimo ‘Raspikuća‘! Ako je raspiždio kuću, što bi tek napravio od aviona? 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Maja Milošević, kolumnistica

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Maja Milošević, kolumnistica

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Sve je lijepo dok ne uzletiš...

 ) [2] => stdClass Object ( [src] => https://static.slobodnadalmacija.hr/images/slike/2024/02/12/24367822.jpg [title] => /Shutterstock

Upute stjuardese su zastrašujuće

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Ne znam sjećaju li se još neki onih slikovnica o Maji koja putuje svim prijevoznim sredstvima. Pa ste tako imali Maja u vlaku, Maja u tramvaju, Maja u brodu... Ona nikad nije gnjavila roditelje (Hoću do prozora i gotovo!), uvijek je bila pristojna (Stari, izlazi više iz tog zahoda! Iruda ti, šereš ima uru robe!), a često je znala i pomagat starijima (Baba, crta, ja sam prije došla!). A kako ova Maja doživljava putovanje avionom?

---

image

Upute stjuardese su zastrašujuće

/Shutterstock
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Muke svete Margarite, čovječe. Pomolim se, svojima objasnim đe im je što da nađu kad me više ne bude (a u kutiji ti je zdravstvena, slušaj me, šeronjo, da me ne proklinješ na drugom svijetu!), hodam po svijetu ko riba sa stalno otvorenim ustima zbog tlaka u ušima, a neki mi pokušavaju čitat s usana ko Mujo u akvariju, ali ja namjestim ledeni izraz face zvani ‘nije mi ništa’. Kad avion stane rulat po pisti, sve maske padaju.

Jer u glavi već vidim kako i mi padamo. Ma, ne bojim se ja smrti, nego patnje. Čovječe, zamisli da ostanem živa, ali bez mozga pa živim ko biljka nekome na teretu. Pa se ne možeš ni popišat, a da ti neko ne da ruke. S tim da ga meni ne treba držat. Ma, nisam se ja uvijek bojala leta avionom, to valjda dođe s godinama i količinom viđenih scena avionskih katastrofa po televiziji. Čovječe, ne prođe ni tjedan, a da ne pokažu kako se neki avion raspiždio neđe u nekoj pustinji, sinjem moru ili na nekoj planini. I uvijek je to neđe nešto nedostupno, neprohodno, đe ih ne može Bog nać. Ni njih ni njihove dijelove.

A pri tom ne mislim na avion. Kad se malo vinemo nebu pod oblake, malo mi je kao lakše. Povirim krajičkom oka oko sebe – svi kao nešto vedro brbljaju, neki čitaju i kopaju nos, jedan skinuo cipele ko da smo u vlaku za Bugojno, jedan zaspo i hropi ko kanadski drvosječa – općenito, opuštajuća atmosfera. Dok stjuardesa ne počne objašnjavat što treba radit u slučaju katastrofe. Te pojas, te konopčić, te maska. Ko da bi nas to spasilo! Čovječe, pa samo mene trebala bi barem trojica spašavat od panike, a u slučaju stvarnog šranja, mislim da bi mi guzice zaglavile u onim uskim vratima.

---

image

Sve je lijepo dok ne uzletiš...

Damir Krajac/Cropix
---

Napetost raste kad kapetan provali da smo na visini od preko osam tisuća nečega i da vozimo brzinom od preko osamsto kilometara na sat. Isuse, mislim se ja, dok mi afan udara u glavu, da sad padnemo, razbili bi se ko fičke. Dobro, malo se i nasmijem ako kapetan ima neko smiješno prezime, tipa Raspikuća. Bogati, ako je raspiždio kuću, što bi tek napravio od aviona? Valjda zato što mi čitaju misli, na onom malom videu krene poruka ‘relax’. Kao, opustite se, ako bude šranja, tu smo vam mi. Da, da, a zadnji put, kad je avionska nesreća spriječena u zadnji momenat, kažu da su najveću paniku pravile stjuardese.

Da, ove iscrtane ko klaunovi s ledenim profesionalnim osmijehom. Između svoga sređenog nokta i histerične mene, pogodi koga bi prije spasile! Onda krene posluživanje vode. Čuj, vode. Sestro, imam vode i doma i nije mi napeto pit vodu. Ja bi kafu, čaj, sok. Đe se to izgubilo? Ili to dobivaju ovi u ‘haj’ klasi, a mi smo sirotinja i budi sretan što letiš. Mogli smo te smjestit vanka, na krilo pa ti driblaj nogama ko Kremenko. Kad sletimo, u mislima poljubim zemlju i zakunem se da više nikad neću u avion. Dok mi opet vrag ne da mira. Ma, nema frke. Tješi me, i pad je let.

Maja

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Cropix/ Damir Krajac/Cropix /Shutterstock
Cropix/

Maja Milošević, kolumnistica
Damir Krajac/Cropix

Sve je lijepo dok ne uzletiš...
/Shutterstock

Upute stjuardese su zastrašujuće
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StoryEditorOCM
ZabavaMaštela

Putovanje avionom su mi muke svete Margarite! Jedino se nasmijem ako pilot ima neko smiješno prezime, recimo ‘Raspikuća‘! Ako je raspiždio kuću, što bi tek napravio od aviona?

Piše PSD.
17. veljače 2024. - 17:26
&lt;p&gt;Maja Milošević, kolumnistica&lt;/p&gt;
Galerija
Maja Milošević, kolumnisticaCropix/

Ne znam sjećaju li se još neki onih slikovnica o Maji koja putuje svim prijevoznim sredstvima. Pa ste tako imali Maja u vlaku, Maja u tramvaju, Maja u brodu... Ona nikad nije gnjavila roditelje (Hoću do prozora i gotovo!), uvijek je bila pristojna (Stari, izlazi više iz tog zahoda! Iruda ti, šereš ima uru robe!), a često je znala i pomagat starijima (Baba, crta, ja sam prije došla!). A kako ova Maja doživljava putovanje avionom?

image

Upute stjuardese su zastrašujuće

/Shutterstock

Muke svete Margarite, čovječe. Pomolim se, svojima objasnim đe im je što da nađu kad me više ne bude (a u kutiji ti je zdravstvena, slušaj me, šeronjo, da me ne proklinješ na drugom svijetu!), hodam po svijetu ko riba sa stalno otvorenim ustima zbog tlaka u ušima, a neki mi pokušavaju čitat s usana ko Mujo u akvariju, ali ja namjestim ledeni izraz face zvani ‘nije mi ništa’. Kad avion stane rulat po pisti, sve maske padaju.

Jer u glavi već vidim kako i mi padamo. Ma, ne bojim se ja smrti, nego patnje. Čovječe, zamisli da ostanem živa, ali bez mozga pa živim ko biljka nekome na teretu. Pa se ne možeš ni popišat, a da ti neko ne da ruke. S tim da ga meni ne treba držat. Ma, nisam se ja uvijek bojala leta avionom, to valjda dođe s godinama i količinom viđenih scena avionskih katastrofa po televiziji. Čovječe, ne prođe ni tjedan, a da ne pokažu kako se neki avion raspiždio neđe u nekoj pustinji, sinjem moru ili na nekoj planini. I uvijek je to neđe nešto nedostupno, neprohodno, đe ih ne može Bog nać. Ni njih ni njihove dijelove.

A pri tom ne mislim na avion. Kad se malo vinemo nebu pod oblake, malo mi je kao lakše. Povirim krajičkom oka oko sebe – svi kao nešto vedro brbljaju, neki čitaju i kopaju nos, jedan skinuo cipele ko da smo u vlaku za Bugojno, jedan zaspo i hropi ko kanadski drvosječa – općenito, opuštajuća atmosfera. Dok stjuardesa ne počne objašnjavat što treba radit u slučaju katastrofe. Te pojas, te konopčić, te maska. Ko da bi nas to spasilo! Čovječe, pa samo mene trebala bi barem trojica spašavat od panike, a u slučaju stvarnog šranja, mislim da bi mi guzice zaglavile u onim uskim vratima.

image

Sve je lijepo dok ne uzletiš...

Damir Krajac/Cropix

Napetost raste kad kapetan provali da smo na visini od preko osam tisuća nečega i da vozimo brzinom od preko osamsto kilometara na sat. Isuse, mislim se ja, dok mi afan udara u glavu, da sad padnemo, razbili bi se ko fičke. Dobro, malo se i nasmijem ako kapetan ima neko smiješno prezime, tipa Raspikuća. Bogati, ako je raspiždio kuću, što bi tek napravio od aviona? Valjda zato što mi čitaju misli, na onom malom videu krene poruka ‘relax’. Kao, opustite se, ako bude šranja, tu smo vam mi. Da, da, a zadnji put, kad je avionska nesreća spriječena u zadnji momenat, kažu da su najveću paniku pravile stjuardese.

Da, ove iscrtane ko klaunovi s ledenim profesionalnim osmijehom. Između svoga sređenog nokta i histerične mene, pogodi koga bi prije spasile! Onda krene posluživanje vode. Čuj, vode. Sestro, imam vode i doma i nije mi napeto pit vodu. Ja bi kafu, čaj, sok. Đe se to izgubilo? Ili to dobivaju ovi u ‘haj’ klasi, a mi smo sirotinja i budi sretan što letiš. Mogli smo te smjestit vanka, na krilo pa ti driblaj nogama ko Kremenko. Kad sletimo, u mislima poljubim zemlju i zakunem se da više nikad neću u avion. Dok mi opet vrag ne da mira. Ma, nema frke. Tješi me, i pad je let.

Maja

#MAJA MILOŠEVIĆ#MAŠTELA#ZRAKOPLOV#STRAH OD AVIONA#LETENJE#STJUARDESA
14. svibanj 2024 22:59